


A Memory, a SOUL, a Dream

by Sage (Liot)



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Gen, Gender-Neutral Frisk, Implied/Referenced Suicide
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-19
Updated: 2016-04-19
Packaged: 2018-06-03 05:01:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,095
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6597751
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Liot/pseuds/Sage
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I made it up."</p><p>"Made what up?" he asked.</p><p>"My name. I don't have one."</p><p>Right when it was time to leave the underground, Frisk finally faces several questions that have plagued them on their journey. Just how did they end up down here, to begin with?</p><p>[Will continue once I figure out which direction this story is headed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Memory, a SOUL, a Dream

**A Memory, a SOUL, a Dream**

 

_.._

 

_Part.1. Smile_

 

_.._

 

_It wasn't a nice smile, but it was a smile that was just for him._

 

..

 

Asriel had been sitting at the beginning of the ruins, in the small patch of golden flowers where the human children came to fall. He was gazing at the blossoms tenderly, recalling how he'd met his very best friend.

 

Only now, those memories were stained with the knowledge of what he had become, and the realization of what Chara had truly been. How they'd must have felt about humanity, and about themself— for Chara, too, was human.

 

Did Chara think humans were cruel, and therefore Chara also must become so? But Chara had loved monsters fully. Asriel believed that. His human friend had been insensitive at times, true, but everything was fine until...

 

He used to hate himself for betraying them, and letting the humans kill him— losing not only his own life, but Chara's soul tethered to his. _Now_ he hated himself because he should have never let them die to begin with. For being too weak to convince Chara to call off the whole plan.

 

And Chara had _known_ Asriel was weak. That's why they decided _they_ needed to be the one to die, instead of Asriel. That's why they took over his body immediately. Chara had done everything they could to save him, to save their family, and all the monsters, and he'd _ruined it._

 

Okay. Maybe he still hated himself for that.

 

Whenever he thought about it, he felt more like Flowey than ever. Was it truly his lack of a soul that had made feeling impossible, or had he shut down his emotions to keep the guilt away? As a flower, the one thing he could feel was the determination to live. Letting go of his feelings was, perhaps, an act of self-preservation.

 

Flowey had very much wanted to continue living. Flowey hated Chara for dying. Flowey hated Asriel for dying. Flowey _hated._

 

And sometimes Asriel, the real Asriel deep down inside, hated Chara too. His very best friend. And then he hated himself even more. For someone so weak as to get rid of their feelings, to the point of where they hurt everyone— Asriel certainly had a lot of feelings.

 

He had been reaching out to touch one of the flowers, when he heard footfalls coming up behind him.

 

Without looking, he called back, "Don't you have anything better to do?"

 

For a moment the footsteps stilled, before continuing their approach. He dropped his hand away from the flower and turned to look at Frisk. His breath halted in his chest.

 

They were wearing a small, mysterious smile— the same smile that Chara used to give him. It was not a nice smile, but it was a smile just for him, different from the smiles Chara would give everyone else. He treasured those smiles when he got them.

 

"... Frisk?"

 

They knelt down next to the flowers and pulled one up roughly; small bits of dirt crumbled away from dislodged roots. Asriel winced unconsciously. "Alright, I get it, you're still mad."

 

Frisk shook their head and lifted the flower to their nose. They seemed contented, and placed the flower back into the patch, patting dirt over it. Now _that_ seemed more like Frisk. Asriel did not have the heart to tell them the flower was unlikely to grow healthily now.

 

Though... It did also seem similar to Chara's slapdash method of gardening, back before Asriel ruined everything.

 

He shook off the thought. "Why are you back here again, Frisk?"

 

"..."

 

Frisk was still watching the flowers thoughtfully, as Asriel had been. Whatever they wanted to say, they seemed to need time to think about it.

 

He had been standing watching these flowers for days. (He'd wondered how long it would take for him to become Flowey again. His thoughts seemed to get darker and darker as time passed.) So when it took Frisk nearly an hour to get their thoughts together, it did not particularly faze him. What they said however, did.

 

"I made it up."

 

"Made what up?" he asked.

 

"My name. I don't have one."

 

..

 

_Part.2. Question_

 

_.._

 

_They themself did not belong anywhere._

 

..

 

They had said their goodbyes to the Underground— even going so far as the beginning of the ruins and speaking to Asriel— and were trekking back to the end of the castle to meet with their new friends and leave. However, with every step along the way, something Asriel had asked was gnawing at them.

 

About why they had climbed the mountain. How they had come to fall in the Underground.

 

When Frisk did not reply, Asriel had apologized and let it go, but... Frisk would have answered, had they known.

 

They had no memory of falling into the underground. They only recalled waking up there.

 

When the monsters in the city had told their tale, at first Frisk had thought they were talking about _them_ — until Asriel entered the story. Then they wondered if they simply did not remember Asriel finding them. But they recalled very clearly, it was Flowey, and then Toriel that they had met.

 

But after Frisk had first spoken to Asriel in his true form, they could picture bits and pieces of it in their mind. Like a dream they had once had.

 

There were other things too; things that they had shrugged off at the time, but upon looking back felt stranger and stranger still.

 

They recalled hearing Asgore's voice every time they had "died", before resetting or loading a SAVE.

 

They recalled hearing Asriel's voice, when Undyne had destroyed the pier, after they'd fallen into a bed of flowers in the trash canals.

 

Like one of Papyrus’ puzzles, things looked out of place at first glance. Or like a story told out of order. But once they could put the pieces together— figure out where and why things were that way— then surely, surely…  
  
They played with the locket at their throat. It wasn’t really anything like a fun puzzle, was it? Something was so very wrong. They remembered things that did not belong to them. Or maybe, they themself did not belong anywhere..?

 

All the well-meaning things Asriel had said tore at them more than anything Flowey did. Step by step, Frisk could hear the questions, again and again, like a nightmare they could never wake from.

 

“ _You’re not actually Chara, are you? Chara’s been gone for a long time. Um… what… What IS your name?”_

 

They did not know. They had thought it was "Chara", but it was obviously not true. They had no memories of being Chara. Chara was a story that was told to them.

 

Rather than risk hurting Asriel any further, they had made a name up on the spot. "Frisk". They had always been much better at coming up with names than Asriel or King-Dad had—

 

No. No, that wasn't right. King Asgore was Asriel and Chara's father. Not Frisk's.

 

Once, they had called Toriel _'mom'_ , too. They didn't know why; it just felt appropriate. Then it felt like they had done something wrong, so they tried flirting instead.

 

Sans and Toriel had teased them about it, later.

 

As they were deep in thought, Frisk did not even notice how far they had walked until they were back at the house in the King's castle. They had stopped at the stairway entrance to the garden.

 

How long had they been standing there? How many times before had they walked into the castle, just like this?

 

Pushing the thought away, they walked over to their old bedroom instead.

 

 _No._ Asriel and Chara's old bedroom. Not Frisk’s.

 

They stopped next to Chara's bed, their hand around the locket on their neck. They should put it back, really. It wasn't theirs.

 

_(Not Frisk’s.)_

 

They'd meant to give it to Asriel too, when they'd spoken with him, but...

 

They stared hard at Chara's bed, before turning instead to the picture frame sitting on the desk. They picked it up and sat down on Asriel's side of the room.

 

The family in the photo... _Chara.._. Frisk looked so much like them.

 

..

 

Finally, Frisk left the room to join their friends, and before they knew it, they found themself standing among them, looking out into the silhouette of the world above, a human city in the distance. The sun was rising.

 

Asgore had asked them if they would be their ambassador to the humans. _The humans_. Standing on that very same surface Frisk couldn’t quite remember being on, being asked to help pave a peaceful future with very same humans that Frisk could never recall being with. In that moment, they made up their mind.

 

 _"No, I can't."_ And it was true.

 

Toriel had asked them if if they had a home to go back to, what they would be doing next?

 

 _"I've got places to see,"_ they'd said. It was a lie. Toriel was the closest thing to a mother Frisk could remember having. The urge to stay with her was so strong, but they did not, _could not_ feel too badly about this. Their idea would make Toriel much happier.

 

They had waved their friends along, saying they still had other business to take care of. It took some convincing, but eventually Frisk was watching them trek down the hill toward the rest of the world. There would be a small village even before they reached the city, Frisk recalled (though they did not know how, for they had never actually been on the surface). It would not be hard to find the monsters again. Plus the rest of the monsters still had not left the underground, and they'd have to move many things before settling on the surface.

 

But those weren't really thoughts for Frisk. They would be the concern of someone else.

 

Frisk watched the sun rising for a few minutes longer, then walked back into the underground and down into the ruins for the last time.

 

..

 

_Part.3. Together_

 

..

 

"Made it up?" Asriel asked.

 

Frisk nodded. "It's not wrong, though. I just didn't have a name before I'd made one up." They sat down in front of the flowers, the same flowers they had woken up on. "I don't remember falling down here. Just waking up."

 

After a moment, Asriel sat beside them.

 

"Why? How did you get here, then?"

 

Frisk held up their hands in front of them, staring intently. "You thought I was Chara... Me too.”

 

Even as Asriel froze in place, Frisk continued, “I look a little like Chara. Like a human. I even feel like a human, and I know I have a human soul, but..." They stared hard at him. "You're one of the only monsters that has ever seen humans. Do I look like a human to you?"

 

Asriel visibly shook himself. "... I guess?" He shrugged helplessly. “You look human enough to me, at least. You're human-shaped and all.”

 

"When I woke up, I was wearing one part of the bandage that— that—" Frisk stopped themself; it was too horrible to say. They shook their head. "I'm pretty sure I got here the same way these flowers did."

 

"What? And what do you mean about a bandage?"

 

"..."

 

"Tell me."

 

"Chara. In the King's castle. I saw it. Their coffin. It was empty. There were bandages in it. Mummy wrappings."

 

"..."

 

"I think Toriel took Chara's body down into the ruins."

 

"… No."

 

"And laid that body to rest exactly where her son had found the fallen child."

 

"No."

 

"This body... This soul... Didn't you recognize it, when you were Flowey? Even with my faded skin, my faded sweater..."

 

They were speaking so calmly, but now Asriel saw that Frisk’s hands had clenched tightly into fists. It reminded him so much of when Chara would become frustrated with something; all Asriel wanted was for this entire conversation to undo itself— there was just no way it could be real, he refused. He tried to remember, so long ago, what kind of voice his father would use to calm them down. The kind of voice that made everything bad go away, and then he and Chara would be laughing and playing so soon after, like nothing had happened.

 

"Ch-Frisk. Stop talking like that. You don't— you don't look much like the humans I've seen, but you're not _dead._ You're not Chara. You're not— like dead human bodies, I know what they look like. And we have books, and other human stuff falling through the garbage in waterfall all the time," his voice was breaking. "And the other monsters would’ve seen humans in those before! Yeah! So they'd know right away if you didn't look like a—"

 

"A lot of them couldn't tell. Once they saw me. Some of them thought I was just a weird monster. They thought I'd looked human when I fought Mettaton, on the television, but close up..."

 

"I just told you! I've seen everything!" Asriel— no, Flowey shouted. "You're not a dead body! You're not a dead human! You know what happens to dead humans? They rot, just like their putrid food. They rot and they fall apart, their eyes leak right out of their faces! Ha, look at you! You just want to feel special!"

 

Frisk looked stricken. Asriel slapped a hand over his mouth. "... Sorry,” he mumbled. “But it's true."

 

"... Do humans have magic?"

 

Asriel's face wrinkled in confusion. At least they weren’t talking about being his _dead best friend_ anymore. “Human mages trapped us down here. I don't know if they have magic anymore, though. Or what happened to it.”

 

"I went to the librarby—"

 

"Library!"

 

"—before I came back down here to see you. I read as many books as I could find, about monsters, humans, funerals, SOULs..."

 

And then Frisk had gone back to the true lab, and then to Sans' room and his lab. They'd read everything they could find that might be relevant. Truthfully, days had passed before Frisk had come back to Asriel in the ruins. But they had to know first, for sure.

 

They wondered what the other monsters were doing. Frisk hoped they were getting along with the humans okay.

 

"When you died, holding Chara's body, you fell onto the flowers. Your dust spread over the flowers. The flower seeds, and the dust, stuck to Chara's body.

 

A flower, which had been covered in your dust, had been injected with Determination. But your soul was already far away. You woke up all alone.

 

But... Chara, their body, covered in the seeds of the garden and your dust. It had been taken by Toriel into the ruins, and laid to rest here.

 

And then, after you had lived many lives as Flowey... I woke up in a patch of flowers. With a SOUL that looks just like Chara's. And looking so much like them, but not.”

 

The expression on Asriel's face was torn between wonder, fascination, and horror.

 

"You absorbed Chara's SOUL. Your essence, and Chara's body... Do you think it got both SOULs? My body?" They looked at their hands again. "Is this body held together by monster magic? Are human souls made of magic? What am I? I keep remembering things that don't belong to me, but do belong to you and Chara... What if I got both of your souls?

 

And you said, when I met Flowey, that I had more determination than you— did I get the determination of both of you? And I remember almost killing everyone, in another time. I remember— I became more like Chara, and Flowey became more like you. But... I was not good. As Chara. Human souls don't need kindness to exist. Chara could only keep their kindness when they were alive, or when your soul was loud enough to stop them. Why?"

 

Frisk turned away from their hands to stare at Asriel, now. They were crying. "Why did I get both of your souls, when I have no memories for it to _matter?"_

 

"Chara..."

 

"No, I'm Frisk. I think... I think it's really true. I have Chara's and your souls. Both of them. _You're_ the reason the Chara side won't hurt anyone. Every time I saw or spoke to a monster, I think I could hear both of your voices, suggesting what _you_ would do in my place. It had nothing to do with _me."_

 

"Frisk..."

 

"Don't you see now? I'm nothing but a shell. I'm not even a real person. I don't need these souls. I have no past and no memories but the one's I've made in the underground. And the dreams of memory I stole from you and Chara. I... I didn't mean to. But I've figured out how to fix it."

 

Asriel’s breath caught. Something about the way Frisk was smiling at him— the same smile they had given him when they first showed up— turned his stomach. The smile that wasn't nice, the one just for him, the one he cherished. The last time Chara had smiled at him like that, they'd...

 

"No." And then, more strongly, "No! No way. Even if it's true, you're a good person! Go with your friends and live your life!" He smiled frantically. "Even if it's true, then Chara and I were able to be friends forever. Inseparable. And I wouldn't be messing everything up. And Chara can finally be happy, and learn to be friends with humans again."

 

Frisk ducked their head and smiled sadly. Asriel realised with a lurch that it was _his_ smile.

 

"It's too late." They dug in their pockets, and gently placed a handful of crumbled up buttercups on the ground. "I'm sorry. I know it will be messy, but I didn't know how else to do it. I'm sorry you'll have to see that again."

 

Asriel grabbed them by their shoulders, his expression flashing dangerously between his own and Flowey's. But he could not think of anything to say; what on earth could he say that would _stop this?_

 

"It's okay. Nothing is all that different. You'll get your soul and Chara's, so they won't be dangerous. And I'll get my memories. Or yours and Chara's, maybe? Or maybe mine will disappear. But I don't mind if I lose mine. I didn't have a lot. Besides, everyone will get to know that their prince was the one who really saved them. And Toriel and Asgore will get their children back!"

 

They wrapped their arms around him comfortingly, and Asriel wept.

 

_He did not like this._

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for taking the time to read this little story; it felt good to finally put all the puzzle pieces I'd collected while playing the game into one spot. I apologise if it is a little dialogue-heavy; I couldn't think of another way to do it that wouldn't end up closer to 40k words.
> 
> Fun fact: If you tried to make an acronym of this work it would be "AmASad".
> 
> EDIT: Will continue once I figure out which direction this story is headed.


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